Ruminations and Revelations

Therefore.....

2011-12-27T10:06:00.001-06:00

“Therefore,since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw offeverything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us runwith perseverance the race marked out for us.”

--Hebrews 12:l

Itook a class in college about the book of Hebrews taught by an amazing man ofGod named Brother Snell. We started out talking about how the prophets foretoldof the coming High Priest that was above all priests. And we moved intodiscussing the differences between the Old Law and the New Law and how Jesuswas the One to make it all happen. Then we came to chapter 11. Oh, good ol’ chapter11. The Faith Chapter. You know the one, right? Where the writer goes throughand recounts all of these amazing people of faith that have gone before. Peoplewho have been flogged and scourged. People who have built arks. People who havecalled down plagues on kingdoms. People who have packed up and left the onlyhome they’ve ever known to go to a place they’ve never even heard of. People offaith.

Andthen comes Hebrews 12:1 and that wonderful word that you grow to love when yougo to a bible college, “therefore…” Ahhh, therefore…what a great transitionalword. It means that whatever comes after is in direct response to whatever hascome before. “Therefore…since we aresurrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses…” My amazing professor taughtme that this verse meant that we are surrounded by all of these amazing peoplethat the author of Hebrews describes. Those people are surrounding me. Cheeringme on. Encouraging me in the faith. Helping me to throw off the things thathinder and to get rid of the sin that so easily entangles.

Ihave always absolutely loved that idea. What an amazing sight to imagine. Goingthrough life in your “stadium” with all of the people of the faith in thestands, cheering you on. People like Enoch, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph,Rehab, Dorcas, Lydia, Mary, Martha, and so many more. All of them cheering meon, clapping, whooping and hollering when I do what God is calling me to do orwhen I make the hard choice. People with whom I can relate. People who havegone through some of the same crazy things that I have. People who have handledit way better than I have. People who have handled it poorly, but whom I havelearned so much from because of that. My great cloud of witnesses.

Theolder I get, the more I realize that it is not just the people of the bible whoare my great cloud of witnesses. In fact, it isn’t even just people who havepassed on to the greater realms of Heaven that are in my cloud of witnesses.Some of the people that fill the greatest section of the stands are people whoare still very much alive. People like my amazing and godly parents who supportme and tell me how proud they are of me and what I have chosen to do as acareer. People like my aunts or uncles who are concerned about my well-being.People like my grandparents who send me emails when I accomplish something.People like my Sunday School teachers from when I was just a small child hidingbehind my mom’s legs who still find time to pull me aside and ask me how I am“really doing.” People like the men and women whom I have really just met inthe church I am ministering with who take the time to stop and give me a hugand tell me how glad they are that I have come to minister to their children orgrandchildren. People like my friend from college that still asks me the “hardquestions” even though we hardly ever find time to talk to one another. Peoplelike my best friend who never seems to tire of showing me grace and remindingme that God does indeed have a plan for me, even when I am having a hard timeseeing it. I couldn’t even begin to count how many times these people havehelped me with the sin that so easily entangles. A stern word here; agrace-filled word there.

Whyis this important? Why take the time to blog about this topic? Well, because asI learn and grow, I am beginning to understand just how important it is tosurround myself with these people. We must not neglect the power of the “extendedfamily,” as Mark DeVries calls them in his book Family-Based Youth Ministry. It really, truly does take a villageto raise a child. And what better village then the Family of God!

Sowho is in your great cloud of witnesses? Who is cheering you on toward love andgood deeds? Who is helping you take off the sin that so easily entangles andeverything that hinders? And if you are a parent, who is in the cloud for yourchildren? Who is helping you raise your child and train him/her up in the waythey should go?

Everything I Wish I Could Be...

2011-12-05T11:37:00.001-06:00

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be

I can fly higher than an eagle

Cause you are the wind beneath my wings

Do you remember that song? With the orchestra "rockin' out" behind the classical voice of....wow....I'm not even sure who the classical singing voice was. But I remember it was loud....and it had some vibrato to it! :)

This song makes me chuckle. Yet at the same time...it can make me think. I will jokingly sing these lyrics to students or co-workers when they have done something that makes my day easier or when they have done something that I couldn't do. And the first line is always really easy and funny "Did you ever know that you're my hero?" But even in the joking around moments, I have a hard time singing the second line to most people: "You're everything I wish I could be..."

Tim has been doing a sermon series for the past two weeks on Jesus as our Hero. I had always considered the definition of "hero" to be something like: a man distinguished by exceptional courage, nobility, fortitude; a man who is idealized for possessing superior qualities in any field. But as I was listening to Tim's sermon yesterday on John the Baptist and then as I was running that song through my head this morning, I realized something. When it comes to the Christian faith, God expects us all to be Heroes.

We are supposed to become more like Him in ever increasing glory. We are supposed to follow after Him as hard as we can. We are supposed to take off the clothes of this world and be clothed in Christ. In other words, if we see Jesus as our Hero, and we are supposed to look more and more like Him every day that we live for Him, then that means that I also am intended to be a hero! I am supposed to be a woman of courage, nobility, and fortitude. I am supposed to have some superior qualities that I use for the good of the people.

If Jesus is my hero, then I need to look and think and act more and more like Him every day. And thankfully, I don't have to do that all on my own. Because as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, He is the wind that keeps me up in the air. He is the strength I need. He is my Rock. He is my Shelter. He is my Hero. I know that I will never be just like Jesus. But my prayer for me, and my prayer for you, is that as we worship our Hero and notice the things about Him that are heroic, that we would try to emulate those qualities.

And those thoughts make the words to the song I quoted all the more real. "Jesus, did You ever know that You're my hero? You're everything I wish I could be. I can fly higher than an eagle, because You are the wind beneath my wings."

"Falling." "Fall on!"

2011-02-13T21:21:00.008-06:00

There are days in my life when I feel like I actually understand what God is doing........and then......I wake up.

Hebrews 11 says that "faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Oh man...those words....grrrrr to those stinkin' words (fist waving in the air)! Anyone else in this world want to actually KNOW what is going on their lives and why it is happening instead of just trying to have "faith" that things are gonna work out? If there was ever a time in my life when this was true, it is now. I have listened to people all my life tell me that I just have to trust God and that all will be great. In fact, there is even a song that says that trusting will bring me happiness in Jesus. Trust. Ugh. What a word, right?"

Trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey."

I love rules. Rules make the world go 'round. The people that drive me the most nuts are the people that think that rules don't apply to them and that they can do whatever they want regardless of what the rules say. I have always thought that I was really good at following rules. What frustrates me sometimes about my walk with Christ is that I don't know the plan. And I most definitely want to know the plan. I want to know what is happening now and why. I want to know what will happen tomorrow and why. I want to know what will happen in fifty years...and why. I want the plan because with the plan comes rules and with rules...comes happiness. Right? That's what the song says, right? Oh. Crud. No, it doesn't.

Trust.

Obey.

Sigh...

When I was in college, I was a part of a team that traveled around mainly to youth groups and did team building activities. At some point during most of our weekends, we would begin the "trust" initiatives. We had been trained to use certain commands to keep everyone in the know and to make sure that no one got hurt. The commands went as follows:

Faller: "(Catcher's name) are you ready?"

Catcher: "Yes (faller's name), I'm ready."

Faller: "Falling."

Catcher: "Fall on."

Most kids took this stuff seriously enough, but every once in awhile there were a few students that thought it would be funny to joke around during this portion of the initiative. This was always frustrating for me as a leader. The commands were meant to keep the kids safe while showing them the power of trust and the exhilarating reward that comes with obeying. If the kids goofed off, someone was bound to get hurt because they hadn't heard all of the rules that went along with the commands. That meant that things could get confusing. It meant that the student had to ask what was going on, and if the other students took it upon themselves to share the commands instead of asking us, then it was just a bunch of voices trying to relay things they had heard instead of simply listening to the voice that had said it originally. When the student chose to go to the original source (us), the confusion was cleared up.

It is the same with us. God's commands are intended to keep us safe while showing us the power of trust and the reward of obeying. When we only listen to the people around us who merely think they know what the Original Source said, we can get confused. But when those voices say what think followed up by pointing us to the Real Deal, the confusion is cleared up. Trusting and Obeying is not about blindly going through life. It is about following the commands that have been set up for us so that we can see the power of Trusting and the reward of Obeying.

What I am realizing more and more as I grow older...ish..., is that it is not just about the blind trust. It is not just about the falling and "hoping" that someone will be there to catch me. It's about obeying. God says over and over again that He is faithful. He says that He will make good on His promises. He says that all things will work out for the good. He may not tell me how every finite detail is going to pan out, or what the consequence will be for each choice I make. However, He has given me an entire book full of words that are meant to teach and to train me. Words that I am meant to obey. God has given me the commands to use so that I can know that it is safe to fall. He is letting me know that He is back there ready to catch me. He isn't messing around. He isn't joking. He knows that this is serious stuff. He wants me to trust Him, and He expects me to obey the commands.

"God are You ready?"

"Yes, Jess, I'm ready."

"Falling."

"Fall on."

Chazown: Part Two

2011-01-26T09:58:00.002-06:00

The answer to the second question is tricky…as many things seem to be when it comes to figuring out what God has in store. However, this time, I believe I am actually approaching my decision from the right angle. See, all of my life, I have made decisions based on specific situations or short-term goals that I saw in my very near future. I would look at a situation, and I would say, “I could either do this, or I could do that.” It was always a decision based on the “thing” or option that was placed in front of me. Could I perform those tasks? Would that make me enough money to live on? Would I like doing most or all of the “things” that would be required of me?

For those of you who read my previous blog, you know that I had the privilege of taking a mini retreat where I was able to spend some much needed time with Jesus and do some soul searching with the help of a book titled Chazown. As I read, I was struck by the idea that there are many tasks, jobs, careers, etc that I could and would do, but that there is one overall vision of purpose for my life. In other words, it is not simply about the tasks, specific situations or short-term goals; it is about how those things fit into the bigger, broader, more long-term vision for my life. Now, understand, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I have heard this kind of thing said who knows how many times, but for some reason, it just really clicked with me during this particular retreat. What I have discovered, or more accurately, rediscovered, is that I have a huge passion for family & friends (aka relationships), worship (as a lifestyle not just music), and teens. Those were the three things that really stuck out to me. And those are the three things that shaped my decision as to where I need to be. Because of my connections to Iowa, I will be making the move at the end of January to live in the Cedar Falls area for a short time while I figure out how best to accomplish God’s long-term vision for my life.

I am not sure exactly what God has in store for me, but I believe that He has a plan and that that plan will be good. I know that I want to work with teens again. And I know that I want to be near my family again. I want to be influencing minds and lives, young and old alike, to live lives of worship that are holy and pleasing to God. Like I said, I am not sure exactly what this will look like, but I believe that it will include more writing of songs, more time with family & friends, and more time with teens.

So here I am again, packing, loading, squishing, shoving and finagling my belongings into a trailer (this time we planned for two trips!) to take on another adventure that I hope to never forget.

Chazown: Part One

2011-01-07T23:19:00.001-06:00

One year ago, I packed, loaded, squished, shoved, and finagled, all of my belongings into the back of a trailer (ok, ok, ok, so it didn’t all fit the first go-round and my amazing father had to make TWO trips to Olathe for me…), and began an adventure I will never forget. I was given the amazing privilege of moving to Olathe, KS to participate in a church plant with two of the best friends I’ve ever had. And while I was incredibly sad to leave my family and a church I had come to love, I found myself blogging these words:

I know that God has something huge planned for me. I know that this move will prove to be one of the best and most amazing decisions and adventures that I have ever been on. I trust in the promise of God that says that all things will work out for the good for those who love the Lord. I believe with all my heart that God has great plans for 33 Church, and I, for one, cannot wait to see what happens with all of this.

As I look back over the past year, I am delighted to see that God has kept His promise and that my move to Olathe was definitely one of the best and most amazing decisions I have ever made. I have been in the process of learning what it means to trust God and follow after Him. Those lessons, as I’m sure most of you know, are not easy lessons to learn. You don’t just wake up one day and magically have the ability to blindly trust or the desire to follow someone (even God) through anything. I have spent the majority of my time in Olathe learning these two lessons. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything because I know that I am a better, stronger, more solid follower of Christ because of this past year.

A few months ago, I began to take a good, hard look at what I was doing and what I was going to be doing. I began to try to figure out what these lessons were all about. I was struggling—struggling to be happy, struggling to be joyful, struggling to worship, struggling to lead others in worship, struggling to reach out, and struggling to believe that I was in the right place. I was working three jobs—each of them demanding (and rightfully expecting) my full effort every time I walked through their doors. I was so overwhelmed with life that I didn’t know how to continue. So I decided to take a mini one-day retreat to the mountains of Grandview, MO to do some hiking and reading and talking with Jesus. That was the best decision I had made in a long time. The second best decision was to stop by the Christian bookstore and pick up the book Chazown by Craig Groeschel. I started off my hike with a desperate cry for help, “God, please, please, please, please….speak to me. I can’t hear you these days. Please speak to me!” Once again God answered my prayer and kept His promise to never leave me and kept His promise that if I sought Him, He would be found by me.

I won’t go into the very depths of the book or the conversation that I had with Jesus as I walked along those paths, but what I am writing to share with you today is this: My Jesus loves me, and He spoke me into being for a purpose, and it is my job to trust in that purpose and follow Him as He leads me in accomplishing that purpose. As I read that book and talked to Jesus, I came to the understanding that what I was doing here to help this amazing church that is being planted in Olathe was not really what I was created to do. I know that to some of you that might sound trite, or like a cop-out answer, but I promise you, I do not believe that it is either trite or a cop-out. My time here in Olathe has been hard, but up to that day, I had been determined to stick it out and try to make it work.

I decided that I needed to break this all down into two questions: Do I feel that I can accomplish God’s purpose for me to the fullest in my current context, aka this church plant? If so, then how do I make it work? And if not, then what do I need to be doing and where? (I know it looks like three questions, but it’s not; I promise!)

(For the sake of your time and blogging etiquette, I will address the first question in this blog and tackle the second question in my next blog.)

The answer to the first question was a sad and painful, no. This church that I have been privileged to be a part of for the past year is amazing. The vision is astounding and the passion behind it is awe-inspiring. I have never wanted to make something work and have never wanted to be a part of something like I have with this church. Not to mention the fact that the people who are leading this church are two of my very best friends. I have loved getting to know this church, which after only two months of meeting on a weekly basis has already become like a family. I know that if I were to stay, I would fall even more in love with the people of this church.

This church is going to do amazing things in the Olathe area. This church is going to do amazing things in the state of Kansas. This church is going to do amazing things in the world. I believe this church will change the world. I believe those things because I personally know the man whose passion and vision started it all. And that man will lead this church in an all out pursuit of Jesus and an all out blitz to share the story of that pursuit with anyone with whom they come in contact.

However, I feel that my gifts and passions and abilities are not beneficial to this church and to continue in my current position with this church will only lead to more frustration for me and for the vision of the church. I want this church to have every advantage it can in its pursuit of Jesus and the telling of that amazing pursuit, and I believe that there is someone out there who will be a huge asset to this church and to its vision. Someone who will wake up every morning with a passion to do all the things that need to be done to make this church everything it can be and should be. And while I wish that person was me, I have come to the realization that I do not have what is needed to make all of that happen.

As I bring this first blog to a close, I would ask my readers (surely there are at least two of you by now, right?) to join me as I pray for blessing on this church and as I pray for the next person that will join the church team in a leadership role. I know that God has big plans for this church plant, and I cannot wait to see all that He will do.

To be continued.....

Pete and Repeat.....

2010-07-10T15:23:00.003-05:00

You remember the joke from your childhood, right?

Person 1: Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell out; who was left?
Person 2: Repeat.
Person 1: Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell out; who was left?
Person 2: Uh....not Pete?
Person 1: What was his name?
Person 2: (sigh) Repeat....
Person 1: Pete and Repeat......

And so it continues. Person 1 cracking up at every repeat and Person 2 doing everything in their creative power not to say "Repeat" again.

I've been reading through the Psalms this summer and have noticed something very interesting. See, over and over the writers of these psalms use the words gracious, compassionate, righteous, faithful, stronghold, and other amazing words to describe God. It's like God is Person 1. He is sharing His feelings, His love, His compassion, His character with me, laughing out of pure giddiness and excitement. And I read these words and I feel like Person 2, trying everything I can to use any response to the statement other than what He wants. I sigh and think, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ok. Whatever. I know you love me...okie dokie, God."

One thing that is different between the joke of my childhood and God is that eventually Person 1 gets tired and Person 2 gets tired and the joke runs out of steam. But God never does. He never runs out of steam. He just keeps telling me. He keeps repeating the same lines over and over again, hoping for that response.

John 8:31-32 says, "...Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

It's amazing to me how true that statement is. I have found that the more I hold to His teachings and the more I try to look like Jesus, the more real His unfailing love becomes, the more real His compassion becomes, the more real His grace becomes. And the more I accept His love, His compassion, His grace and all the other things He repeats to me every day, the more free I become.

So, Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell out; who was left?

What if the Church? Part 2

2010-05-08T19:57:00.002-05:00

Ok, so I am not exactly sure how many people helped out with this campaign in the end, but what I do know is that God showed up, people were blessed, and Light was shone in this city. It was really amazing to see people from different churches working together to be the Church.

We were at True Light Resource Center. We worked on a house that they are fixing up for the purpose of helping women get back on their feet. I am not exactly sure what all that means in details, but I do know that God is going to do some amazing things through them! That Miss Alice was something else!

There were upwards of 30 people doing various jobs from scraping paint, ripping out grass to make flower beds, building a deck, stocking a pantry, and other things that I am sure I had no idea were happening!

Sara and I spend most of the morning stocking the pantry. We were given this tub full of canned goods and asked to put them in the pantry. Well, we walked in, and since we are who we are....we totally gutted the thing and started from scratch and reorganized. Not sure if that is what they wanted....but......we couldn't help ourselves! It's just who we are!

Ryan and the kiddos carried boards for the new deck, ripped out grass for the pretty new flowers and scraped paint on the porch to get it ready for the people who were painting it to make it pretty!

Thank you, Jesus, for everyone that helped out last weekend. I pray that God's name was preached through our actions and our speech. I pray that people were blessed and that they saw Jesus.

What if the Church?

2010-04-26T13:06:00.003-05:00

33 Church has an amazing opportunity to be a part of something on May 1st called "What if the Church?" This is the purpose of the event: Why What If? We deeply believe that when Jesus sees His Church in Kansas City, He does not see a thousand different churches, but He sees one Church with a thousand different styles, sizes, colors, and shapes all striving for the common purpose of making Him famous in this city through love.

So, what if the Church actually acted like the Church? We would serve. I love it.

33 Church is joining forces with over 4000 other Christians in the KC area, and we are going to serve. We are going to do what James tells us to do and serve widows and orphans. We are going to feed people. We are going to fix their businesses. We are going to paint. We are going to landscape. We are going to fix ball fields so kids have a place to play. We are going to sort clothes so that families have an organized place to come find clothes to clothe their children. We are going to stock shelves so that soup kitchens have food to serve. We are going to serve. Which means, that we are going to love, and we are going to be the Bride of Christ.

33 Church is going to be helping at a place called Pure Light Resource Center. We will be scraping and painting, doing some landscaping, some minor construction and even some electrical work. I am excited. I love to serve for Jesus. I love to get my hands dirty and do something that will so that I love mercy, act justly and that I strive to walk humbly with my God (Micah).

I pray that the people we serve will see Jesus in us, and I pray that we will love with the love of Jesus. So come on, KC! What if the church? Well, let's find out together on May 1st!

Grateful....

2010-04-17T20:05:00.002-05:00

I am grateful! I am grateful for the things that God has given me. This week, I am grateful for the people that he has placed in my life that challenge me and love me and smack me upside the head while giving me a hug. You just can't beat friends that will look you dead in the face and say, "Seriously....what is your problem? Get over it." And in the next moment give you a hug and tell you they love you.

I do love that kind of love. It is fantastic. :)

Thank you, Jesus, for friends who are patient and kind. Thank you for friends that don't envy or boast. Friends that are not proud or rude. Thank you for friends that don't do things just for themselves but instead think of others first. Thank you SOOOO much for friends who are more than capable of keeping their cool even when I am exploding. Thank you for friends that forgive when they have no real reason to....other than love. Jesus, thank you for friends that despise evil and do everything they can to help me get rid of it in my life and allow me the honor to help them get rid of it in their lives. Thank you that these friends of mine keep your Truth first and foremost in their lives so that I have amazing examples to follow. God, I am so thankful that you have surrounded me with people who protect me and stand by me forever. I am thankful that they have Your Truth in them so that I know they deserve my trust. I am thankful that because we are friends in You, we have a hope that stands the test of time. I am thankful that my friendships will persevere through anything.

Thank you, God, for friends like these!

Amen

Change of Heart

2010-04-12T10:32:00.002-05:00

It is amazing to me how quickly we change our minds. And it is interesting to me what causes us to change our minds. I mean, we could be totally sold out on a fact or a plan or whatever, and in what seems like a skip of a heartbeat, we are making new plans and heading in a new direction and believing new things.

Take the book of Acts for instance. Just a few "pages" before this wonderful book that records the Acts of the new Church, the disciples are hiding in homes and running away from gardens and denying the man they had been following. Then they get some visits, they get some words of encouragement, they receive a gift, and all of a sudden, they are the most devout, strong, loving, forgiving, miracle showing people you've ever heard of!

And what changed? Yes, their circumstances changed. Yes, their location changed. Yes, their rabbi changed. But what changed? Their hearts. Is that too simple? Can it be that easy? Can it just be so simple as to have a change of heart? It appears to me that that is just what happened. They lived, they saw, they believed, they changed. But what I love about that change is that it did not just change their hearts; it changed their whole lives. It changed their actions.

I heard a sermon this weekend about balancing your actions with the grace you've received. Balancing your life with your calling. What does that look like? What does it look like to have a life that is in balance with the calling you have received? What does it mean to have a change of heart?

Today, this blog is not a blog of answers. It is a blog of questions. I would love to hear what you have to say about this. What does it look like? Share a time when your life was in balance. What does it mean?

Good times were had by all....

2010-04-06T10:39:00.002-05:00

I was able to go back to Iowa this past weekend to celebrate Easter with my family. That was delightful! I love being around my family. My parents keep me chuckling almost all weekend with their random stories and crazy antics. I was able to sing with my mom, which rocked my socks off! i was able to eat some GOOOOOOD chocolate with my padre. I got to shoot things on the Wii with my brother and his wonderful girlfriend. My mom's folks came up so we got to have dinner with them on Sunday night. It was, all in all, a great weekend with my family!

Then I got to spend Monday with a fabulouso friend. We just got to hang out and talk and cry and laugh and eat food and some more yummy chocolate. It was a great Monday. A sad one, because I could only stay for part of the day, but a great Monday nonetheless.

As I was reading Acts over the weekend and thinking about how stinkin' awesome the first church was, I was struck by just how grateful I am for the things that God has given me. I know that generally we spend time in November being thankful for things, but I found myself just reciting to God all the ways that He has continually blessed me over the years. I know that I am still struggling with seeing His plan for me right now, as I still have been unsuccessful in landing a job, but I know that in the midst of all of that, He has granted me with people that are willing to sign checks over to me and throw money in my car as I am driving away. I know that things are not always going to look like what I want them to look like or what I think they are going to look like, but through it all....man, through it all, God is faithful!

"Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be."

Thank you, Jesus.

Knowin' Your Stuff

2010-04-01T11:01:00.003-05:00

So, I have been reading through John just for fun and have really been struck with just how stinkin' awesome God is! I mean, I have read this book many times before, but John is really quite the author. What I love is that each of the gospel accounts are in our Bible for different reasons. I love that John doesn't leave anything for the imagination; he wants us to know exactly why he wrote this book: But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

And I have to tell you, after having read it again....I believe once again (even more?) that Jesus really is the Christ, the Son of the Living God. Man, oh, man. Does he do some amazing things in this book! Raisin' people from the dead! Walkin' on water! Feedin' thousands of people with practically nothing! Amazing!

But you know what I think is awesome? I mean, don't get me wrong, Jesus rocks my face off! But you know what I think is awesome? These disciples who ran away in the garden, denied him during the "court" process, hid themselves in a room are the ones, not three pages later (in my bible, maybe yours is bigger....teehee) that are speaking in tongues and sharing the Word of God (Jesus!) with anyone who can understand them...which is, like, EVERYONE within hearing distance! These guys see Jesus head up to heaven in a cloud (if you believe the flannel-graph I grew up seeing!) and then head back to Jerusalem to being to share the most important message of their lives.

The title of this blog is "Knowin' Your Stuff" and here is why. These men did not waste any time in telling the Jews just who Jesus was and how he had been foretold from the time of Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and all the prophets. They have spent the majority of their lives learning the scrolls and hearing them spoken in the temples, and they spent the past three years watching all of those scriptures come alive in the life of Jesus. If you check out the first six chapters of Acts, you will be wowed as you see these men recall scripture left and right for the purpose of saving lives! Amazing. I want that. I want to know my stuff so well that when people ask me for a recount of Jesus or what I believe or whatever they might need, I can in short order tell them what I believe using scripture in the way it was intended to be used....to save lives.

"Something Clever and Eye-Catching"

2010-03-29T11:16:00.002-05:00

Yep, that's right. That's my title. Get over it. :)

This past week I was fortunate enough and blessed enough to spend some time in Sublette, KS at Sublette Christian Church leading worship at their spring revival. Good times. Good times. I went into this particular event quite unsure of what to expect. I mean, it's southwest Kansas....can God even exist in southwest Kansas? My answer to that incredibly ridiculous question? Most definitely!

Kurt Mortensen from Cherokee Hills Christian Church in OK City, OK was the speaker and wow did he ever speak! That man took what most of us know as everyday Christian life and spun it on its head. He challenged all of us to get out and live dangerous lives. The lives of Jesus and his disciples were anything but safe and mundane! If you look through the book of Acts alone, you will see how over and over again God was challenging people to think outside the box and step outside of what they had always done and thought to do to step out and speak the gospel on his behalf.

I was reading through part of Acts last night and was struck at the prayers of these disciples. Acts 4:24-30 is a prayer that the followers prayed right after Peter and John were released from custody and reprimanded for speaking in the name of Jesus. These men & women knew that they were being threatened and knew that death might be a very strong possibility for them if they continued in their current plan. However, they did not pray for a hedge of protection. They did not pray for the people who were plotting against them to have a change of heart. Instead they prayed these words. "Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness."

Dude. That is stinkin' awesome! Seriously! I mean just think about it. Put yourself in their time and their lives and their moment. "Lord...enable us to speak with great boldness!" That is just amazing! I try to read the Bible as though it were really happening to me, and I just have a hard time imagining that I wouldn't have been praying for protection and open doors (away from the Jews that were plotting to KILL me!) and hedges of protection! But these guys were legit!

So what does it mean to truly be a follower of Jesus? What does that really look like? Man, I am not even sure I know anymore! The more I read through the gospels and the book of Acts, I am reminded and convicted that I need to be bold. I need to be willing to die. I need to be willing to get up and walk across the boardwalk at my apartment and meet the family next door. I need to be willing to step out and LOVE the people that I come in contact with. What does it mean to you?

To love like Jesus....

2010-03-03T11:43:00.002-06:00

Ok, so I was reading John 13 in my devo time last night and was struck by something that I have read about a bajillion times (and yes, math majors, that is a real number). John 13:34-35 says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

What does it mean to love like Jesus?

I have been reading through and thinking through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And I know that loving like Jesus should look a lot like this. But I fear sometimes that we get too caught up in the gushy love. The love that forgives everything and is gracious. The love that sweeps everything under the rug and pretends like it didn't happen. But that does not sound like love to me. According to 1 Corinthians 13, love rejoices in the truth. There is a lot of meaning in that phrase if it means what I think it means. Speaking the truth in love is not always easy. Truth is not always easy and gushy and lovey-dovey. Sometimes it is painful and hard. But does that make it any less love?

I would like to know what you think. What does it mean to love like Jesus? What does it mean for Jesus to say that they will know we are his followers by how we love one another? Do we do this? Do we as followers of Christ look like Jesus when we "love" one another?

What is faith?

2010-03-02T19:00:00.004-06:00

Ryan was asked to preach at SouthWoods Christian Church in Overland Park because their preacher was away for the weekend. For his sermon he decided to preach on Hebrews 11 and tackle the idea that we as followers of Christ must overcome our beliefs and live by faith. He did a great job! :) He is a man who enjoys adding in the flavor of the times and therefore, he made sure to put some video in the sermon. He interviewed a man by the name of Chuck who leads a ministry in KCK called Urban Scholastic Center who left a good paying job in a great part of the area to go back to his hometown and start a ministry helping teens and families become more than they ever dreamed of. This ministry is amazing, and if you have the opportunity, you should definitely check it out. He also chatted with the preacher of the church about his initial faith leap to plant SouthWoods 20 years ago. Ryan also asked me to share my testimony of moving to Olathe a month ago and the struggles that have come with that move. I wanted to share with you what I said on camera. Here is a link to the video itself for those of you who are more visual learners! :)

I moved to Olathe, Kansas mid-way through this past January to help plant 33 Church with Ryan and Sara Nelson. I left my friends, family and a pretty good job to pursue something I had never done with someone who had never done it, in a city neither one of us had ever lived to help people neither one of us had ever met. Yet somehow, it just felt right.

The funny thing about feelings is that they come and go. There have been moments during the six months between making that decision to move and actually moving where I felt really good about what I was doing. And there were other moments it did not feel so good. But I believed I had made the right decision, and I believed the people that I loved that said I made the right decision.

So I moved. I moved, and I felt......sad. I felt lonely. I felt confused. I had expected to feel excited and pumped up and rejuvenated, and instead I felt sad. I remember crying into my pillow night after night. I remember throwing my hands up in the air and falling back on my bed and between sobs asking God, "Why? Why me? Why now? Why here? Why like this?" And no matter how many times I did this, he just kept saying, "Just wait. You'll see. Just trust me."

Trust. What a funny word. A good friend of mine has been throwing this word at me for the past few months, and you know how you hear something in one ear and totally shut it out in the other ear? Well, apparently that is what I had been doing. So when I happened across Romans 15:13 which says, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit," my first thought was, that is what I want! I want joy! I want peace! I want to feel hope! So I called up my good friend and read that to her. And the first words out of her mouth were, "See! It's all about trust!" I stopped and re-read the passage. She was right. In my desperation to feel joy and peace and hope--to feel the way I wanted to feel--I had missed the main thing. I had missed trust.

This season is not the easiest season in my life. It won't be the hardest, but it is definitely not the easiest. I know that there will still be times that I cry into my pillow because I miss people or I miss things. I have chosen to take a step out in faith, and I know that God is faithful. All I have to do is trust.

Awareness & Vision

2010-02-03T18:53:00.002-06:00

So today Ryan and I went to this Church Planting meeting somewhere in Kansas City(ish). There were two sessions today. The first one was about Stratgey....well, kinda. The second one was about GTD, aka Getting Things Done, which is a systematic way to organize and prioritize. I would like to focus on the first session today for this blog. Not because the second one wasn't good, it's just that....well, let's just say the first one was more applicable to me at this point in my life.

This guy named Kevin Something (not really his last name; we'll pretend that I am protecting the innocent) talked about strategy. Actually he didn't really talk about strategy. I have no idea what he was supposed to talk about, but he talked about awareness, vision, strategy, courage.

What I really loved about what he said is that planting a church is SOOOOO not all about your children's program, youth program or small groups. It is SOOOOO not about strategy. Before you can plant a church, you have to be aware and have a vision. You might be asking yourself....um, why is this important to me? My response? Cause this should be how everyone walks into any kind of ministry anywhere, regardless of if you are planting a church or not.

Being aware is about seeing your community and the area in which you are ministering through God's eyes. It is all about seeing the community for what it is and seeing things the way they are. Too often people walk into a community full of ideas of what they are going to change and do with an existing church or with their new church plant, and they never stop to figure out who these people are or what their needs are.

After you have figured out what the needs are in the community, your job is to figure out what direction you think the community needs to go. This is called vision. It is not strategy, mind you! It is not figuring out what method to use to make sure that all the young people in your community show up on Sundays. It's not about what day of the week to do your small groups or how many people should come to those small groups before you duplicate. It's about seeing the future in a sense. Vision is about seeing where you and your community need to go.

Awareness comes from spending time in your community and talking to people. It comes from opening your eyes and looking through God's glasses to see what is happening. Your vision comes from realizing what is going on in your community and dreaming about where you think it should be. Only after these two things have been worked through can you even begin to strategize.

I know that this sounds like, "Duh!" But to me, this was huge. I just quit my full-time job, left my family and closest friends, moved to Olathe, and am looking for a part-time job to help pay the bills, and I am not sure that I have any idea what this community needs or where it needs to go. Now, granted, I trust Ryan to figure this out and know where it needs to go (eventually), but it really put within me a desire to get to know this community. I am not sure what this means, but I know that it will take some work and take some time.

Awareness. Vision. Hmmm. Something to think about.

Update #1 From Olathe

2010-01-28T21:52:00.002-06:00

Well, I have arrived....no, not like that, sillies. I have arrived in Olathe, Kansas, home of the...of the....of the.....yeah, I got nothin'! Anywho, I have arrived. Got it yet?

Moving right along (no pun intended, really!), I got all moved into my new apartment, but I am still not quite settled in. Ryan has offered to build me a pantry (from scratch!), but until that has been completed, I cannot unpack my kitchen much more than it already is. Oh well. I got my desk sorta figured out today, which took way less time than I thought it would and made me realize I should've done that on, like, Monday instead of dreading it all week and doing it begrudgingly today. Oh well. Live and learn (and then get Luvs, right Laurie?).

Anyway, so here is the update since I have been gone from good ol' Iowa. Patty and I brought an Explorer load of stuff down to Olathe on Monday, Jan 18, and then tried to head back to Iowa on Wed.....unfortunately, (wahoo!) there was an ice storm in the middle of Iowa which prevented us from returning as planned. Gee, what a bummer. :) So we came back on Thurs instead. We got a few house things done while we were here, but mostly, we just had a good time hanging out one last time before I moved. It was grand!

My folks and I (and my good brother) came down on that following Fri with a trailer load of.....most of my stuff. Unfortunately, we miscalculated a bit and didn't quite get everything. However, that turned out to be a God-thing, because now I get to the Patty and the kids this weekend and my parents again in another couple of weeks. You'd think I had planned it! :D

Sara and I have been doing some shopping to get my house well-equipped with all of the necessities. When my family and I got here last Fri, there was some food things magically in my fridge and on my counter. Some amazing food fairy left it there for me. The Nelson's have been a huge blessing to me as I get settled in, and I am very grateful for them and their friendship. I look forward to working with them more as time goes on.

So, I think that about wraps up my first week in Olathe....wow, has it already been that long? Crazy! Well, I look forward to another week of trying to get around this silly city and trying to figure out what to do about a job. Your prayers are greatly appreciated!

Ok, so, I will try to do better about not waiting a whole week, so that these updates can be more detailed. But I promise you, my week was not really all that exciting! Just unpacking boxes and trying not to cry every other minute! :) Thank you to all of you who have been praying and who have been such a huge support to me over the past few weeks/months. You know who you are, and I appreciate you so much! :)

I Think I Can.....

2009-12-20T22:56:00.002-06:00

So, it would appear that I am moving to Kansas to help plant a church. And for those of you who are reading this or hearing about this for the first time, let me fill you in. I am moving to Kansas to help plant a church. There. Feel filled in? You should!

I have known this time would be coming for almost six months, yet now that the time has arrived, I find myself wishing that it was a little further away. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of planting a new church and am very excited to be a part of something like this from the very beginning, but I also have to admit that I am really gonna miss this place! I love my friends and my church family. I love the youth that God has blessed me with, and the staff that I have had the utmost privilege of working with.

Therefore, I know that God has something huge planned for me. I know that this move will prove to be one of the best and most amazing decisions and adventures that I have ever been on. I trust in the promise of God that says that all things will work out for the good for those who love the Lord. I believe with all my heart that God has great plans for 33 Church, and I, for one, cannot wait to see what happens with all of this.

Do you remember the story from back in the day about the little engine that could? That's what I feel like. I feel like I have been heading up this really long and hard hill that has one of the steepest grades I have ever encountered, all the while I have been trying to remind myself, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." My friends have surrounded me with love and encouragement saying, "We know you can. We know you can. We know you can." I know that as December comes to a close and January begins, there will be times of tears and times of hugs and having to say goodbyes and see you laters. There will be moments of remembering all of the good times I've had here and probably some of the not-so-good times, too. And through it all, I cling to the promise that I will finally crest that hill (mountain?), and as I begin my descent into this new adventure, I will call out with new resolve, "I knew I could! I knew I could! I knew I could!"

Before/After

2009-11-02T10:53:00.002-06:00

So, our church just got done going through a series on "Just Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels. We spent four weeks working the four sections of the book. Because I am putting together the worship services for our church, I borrowed the book to get a feel for what each week's sermon was going to be about, and I'm glad I did. It has been a long time since a book has not only challenged me to move beyond my current state but has also encouraged me that where I am is ok, as long as I continue to move.

One of the sections is all about stories. Hearing someone else's story. Sharing your story. Sharing God's story. In the book, Hybels challenges his readers to write down their before/after in 100 words or less. His reason? We spend too much time talking to people about things that don't really convey God's message and God's actions in our lives. Instead, we spend time on the minute details that don't really matter to anyone else but us. I decided to take this challenge, as I am aware that I can be rather long winded when telling a story. :)

Below are two examples of my before/after in 100 words or less. I am posting this, not only for my benefit (accountability), but also for my Unchained students at NHCC. We have given them this same challenge, and apparently, they don't think they can say what needs to be said in such a small amount of words. But they can! And they will! (Below my two examples are some examples of from the book. Take a look Unchained and then take the challenge!)

"I used to live a life based on my own wants and desires. I wanted friends, and I was willing to do just about anything to make people like me, all the while claiming that I was a Christian. Finally, there was a moment when God said , “My way or no way”—no more hypocrisy or two-faced lies. I had a decision to make…follow Him or me. Since I made the decision to follow Him, I have had the desire to help others see that it is not about people liking me, it is about people loving Him." --Jess

"I love Jesus. I love Him with all of who I am. Not just because the bible tells me I need to, but because I have seen the pattern of what it looks like to have Him in my life, and it far surpasses the life I used to live. Before, I was not ultimately happy. I was always trying too hard to get people to like me. Now instead, of trying to get people to like me, I am focused on trying to get people to love the person of Jesus." --Jess

"For years, I felt empty. I had a hole that I needed to fill, so I searched for things that could fill that hole: a new house, children, new friends, clothes, a new job...My emptiness would be filled for a short time, but never found the 'it' that kept the hole filled. One day I heard a message about having a relationship with Jesus. Once I understood, I accepted, and grew in my realationship with him, my emptiness was filled--for good. Today, I am no longer seaching for things to fill my life."

"My life was filled with shame and fear. I was all tied up inside and isolated. Loneliness led me to a place of hopelessness. But then I met Jesus. Now I am free from my self-inflicted prison of fear and shame. I am forgiven and loved! I am peaceful about who I am and who God is making me to be. The void inside is now filled with joy--joy in knowing that I am a precious child of God."

"I was angry and depressed all my life, thinking that the world revolved around me, and I wasn't getting my due. I was cynical and isolated. After finding Christ, though, I felt an amazing love and acceptance for the first time. I began to be liked for who I was by the people around me, and my whole life changed. I came to know the joy of relating authentically with people--opening up with honesty and truthfulness about my life."

Change is a Comin! :)

2009-09-16T22:54:00.002-05:00

Well, I have been waiting to tell everyone this until the appropriate time, and I suppose the time is now.

I am moving to Olathe, Kansas! WAHOO! :) I am going to be helping two of my very best friends start a church in Olathe, KS called 33 Church. And it is gonna rock! In fact, I believe the mantra is, "We are gonna change the world!" Which may seem a little steep, but hey, I am all about changing the world around me, however small or large that might be.

Now, hear me on this. I am terribly, awfully sad that I have to leave. This was most certainly the hardest decision I can remember making in all my 26 years. I cried many a tear in the process of making this decision. My poor friends got to hear about it almost every day, at least twice a day, and it was, I am sure, not always a pleasant conversation.

The story is long, and since I have already told it about 300 times this week, I just don't feel like getting into all the nitty-gritty right now, but suffice it to say, it has been quite the summer!

I am sure that in the future you will hear all about my students that I am so terribly sad to leave, my friends that I can't imagine living without, and my family, whom I am just pretending right now are coming with me! :) But for now, I just wanted to type it for the world (or both of my readers) to see. As of January 2010, I will be moving to Olathe, KS! Wow. OK. Good deal.

Change is on the Way

2009-08-27T16:13:00.002-05:00

Ok, so this week has been filled with meetings! Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. I am not a huge fan of meetings, to say the least, but it is safe to say that sometimes, these meetings are a necessary evil. These particular meetings have been exceptionally excting. You see, our church is getting ready to make some pretty cool and important changes to our weekend services.

See, we realize that God intends for us to not only be in relationship with Him, but in relationship with each other as well. And, to be honest, we just aren't providing that kind of opportunity at our church right now. But soon, we will! And that is very exciting!

I don't want to get into all of it right now, since we are busting out the good news this weekend during our services, but suffice it to say that it is going to be an amazing time for the people of New Hope to really connect with each other. I am very much looking forward to seeing how this will impact our church and the Kingdom of God! It's gonna be awesome! :)

Well, off I go to meeting number 3 of 4 for the week. Wish me luck! :D

Como Esta!

2009-08-05T19:51:00.002-05:00

Well, we're back. And what a great journey it was. I wrote before we left about hoping and praying that we would be able to show the people at the Casa what it truly means to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God, and in my humble opinion our kids (and amazing sponsors) did God proud.

From the moment we stepped on the bus at New Hope on August 25, our students proved over and over again that they are willing to get their hands dirty for Jesus. Whether it was sitting in the parkinglot at Maid Rite for 2 hours waiting for a new bus because ours broke down, or holding a child who had recently peed his pants; whether it was painting the same stinking flours for the fourth time just to make sure, or filling holes til the ground was once again level; whether they were walking around with their buddies in the middle of Mexico, or holding a child who was on the verge of falling asleep, our students proved that they are willing to love with the love of the Lord. I enjoyed watching them worship Jesus through song, of course, but even better than this was watching them worship Jesus by tying a child's shoe, swinging them around for the 100th time or just holding them when they skinned their knee.

As we were saying our goodbyes to the kids at the Casa, I was moved to see God at work in the lives of our students. It never ceases to amaze me when God works His way into a semi-hardened heart and helps them see that with His help and love, they can do anything he asks of them. The tears rolling down the faces of our students (both guys and girls!) was a friendly reminder that God uses small children to break our hearts for what breaks His. I am reminded of a song by Brooke Fraser called Hosanna. The lyrics to the bridge go like this:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

I feel like our kids really lived out the words of this song as we moved through this week together. Their hearts were broken; their eyes were opened; they learned what it means to love like Jesus; all of this for the Kingdom of God.

Thank you, Jesus for teaching our kids what it means to love and be loved. Thank you for showing them that they can do ministry for you. I pray that these students would not soon forget the things that they saw, heard and experienced at the Casa. I pray that the faces of the Casa kids would filter through their minds and their hearts and be imprinted there forever. Break their hearts for what breaks Yours, Father, and all for Your Kingdom's cause.

Thank you to the sponsors who took a week out of their very busy lives to not only love on the kids at the Casa but the kids from New Hope. Your examples and leadership will not soon be forgotten and your time spent with the Casa kids will forever be something etched into my memory. You are an example not only to the Casa kids and the kids from New Hope, but to me, as well. Thank you for allowing me to look into your lives as you interact with your own children and those that God placed in front of you to love.

I love you all! :)

Over There, Over There

2009-07-21T19:30:00.002-05:00

So, have I ever told you how much I love doing missions things? I mean, there is just something about flying half-way across the world and putting your own wants and desires on hold for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Earlier in the year, I posted a blog about God of Justice from Micah 6. At the risk of being redundant, I would just like to say a few things.

Our youth this year did a project called "Teen Arts Project." It's all about the arts. They do video, dance (slow and fun!), singing, playing instruments, painting, drawing, acting, etc. It is so much fun to watch them take a theme and really work it out in these different ways. The purpose is to teach them that worship is more than just singing, it is serving God in your area of giftedness--whatever that might be.

This year our theme was "God of Justice." It was amazing. I love to watch the youth of today talk about helping those that have been less fortunate in life than they have been. And then to watch them live that out at High School week of camp as we went into nursing homes, weeded rockbeds, painted buildings, scraped buildings, washed windows and cleaned out toilets was amazing. But then, to be able to travel to a foreign country and watch them yet again love on people? Well that is just the best summer ever! I cannot wait to watch eighteen teenagers and eight adults love on children who don't have parents, give people food for their hungry stomachs, and teach them about Jesus and His love for them. It is going to be AMAZING!

I am proud to say that I am a Youth Coach at New Hope Christian Church. The teens that we are privileged to work with challenge me to be a better woman of God, a better Christian, and a better person all around. They stretch me day in and day out. The keep me accountable without even knowing it. They make me laugh, cry, yell, smile, and dance (stinking running man!). They really are a joy to be around. I am very excited to get to spend a week with some of the most amazing kids to ever walk the face of the earth (Too much? I don't think so!). Thank you, NHCC Youth for allowing fallen, mistake-making, less than perfect people like me to work with you and minister with you. May we truly show the people we are about to serve what it means to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our Lord.

Do you validate?

2009-07-14T20:24:00.002-05:00

So, have you ever had one of those decisions that you have to make that you just know is going to be the utter and complete demise of your life as you have known it? Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that bad, but still...it can be a pretty big decision. And in the midst of those moments when the decision making is at it's worst, all you need and all you want is someone to tell you that you are doing a good job making that decision. That you are approaching that decision with maturity and logic, with just the right amount of faith. All you want is for people to recognize that the decision is stinking hard and give you a hug on a rough day.

Well, I would like to take time to encourage both of my readers to validate. Take a few moments and tell someone you know is struggling with something like this that they are loved. Tell them that they are doing a good job. Tell them that you are proud of them. These words may be the thing that gets them through the hardest day they have ever faced up to this point in their lives.

Please, oh please, take these words I have typed to heart. Share with someone you love how important they are. Share with them how much you love them. You just never know what it might mean! :)

Let's Go Campin'

2009-06-30T19:36:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I have to tell you that I love camp. Now, please understand, I am getting older, so the late nights followed by ridiculously early mornings are getting, um, tiring to say the least. But I also have to say that I love camp.

I love that at camp kids can leave all the crud they live with all the time in their everyday lives behind. I love that at camp the kids who never have friends at school are all of a sudden some of the most popular kids. I love that at camp the kids that get everything they want all the time at home all of a sudden realize that the world does not revolve around them. I love that at camp students are confronted with who Jesus is and fall in love with Him more and more with each passing day. I love that at camp adults and students have opportunities to connect with each other as they connect with Christ. I love that at camp kids get plunged into the depths of Jesus' love and grace as they follow Him into the water of baptism.

I love camp. I really do. It will make me quite sad when some day I have to not go to camp anymore. It will make me sad to know that I will miss out on these amazing things. But I will rejoice in knowing that someone else will be blessed by seeing the things I have seen.
I love camp. I love sleep....but I love camp SO much more! :)

Let's Fly!

2009-06-20T11:35:00.003-05:00

"Sometimes we choose to be a worm; at other times, our preference is to hide in the cocoon, but every now and again we choose to engage in the difficult struggle of breaking out. It's painful; it's frustrating; it's hard work. We might even wonder why God would make the cocoon so hard to escape from, never realizing it is the process itself that strengthens our wings and prepares us for flight."

This quote from a book by Erwin McManus has really been making me think these days. I'm not totally in love with the book in and of itself, but this quote really stuck out to me.

I want to escape from the cocoon.

I want to fly.

I know it will be painful. I know it will be hard. But I also know that once I have escaped, it will be the most amazing thing ever.

I am reminded of the character in the movie "A Bugs Life" named Heimlich. He is a gigantic caterpillar that dreams of being a "beautiful butterfly."

That is my dream.

I want to fly.

God of Justice

2009-05-21T13:29:00.002-05:00

Micah 6:6-8
With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old?
Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

I just can't seem to get these words out of my head. To act justly. To love mercy. To walk humbly with your God. They seem so simple. Yet, when I truly look at them, I am humbled because I know that these three things summarize all that I am to do in my walk with Jesus.

Every year for a week during the summer we get as many of our 7th-12th graders to help out with an event we have dubbed "Teen Arts Project." They prepare all week long and then lead the weekend services. Each year we use this event to teach the kids that worship is more than just singing on a Sunday morning or playing an instrument in a praise band. We do our best to teach these students that worship is a lifestyle. Worship is forever.

This year our theme is "God of Justice" based off the verse above but also from the lyrics to a song with the same title. Our goal this year to is to help the students see that God does not want their goats; He does not want their firstborn; He wants them. And He wants them to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Him.

What does that even mean, though? How can you teach someone something like that? How can you teach them to act justly or to love mercy or walk humbly? The only answer I can come up with is to teach them about the One with whom they are to walk. For He is the ultimate example of justice, mercy and humility.

So, God, I pray that you will fill us up and send us out so that we may go and live to feed the hungry and stand beside the broken. I pray that you will keep us from just singing words on a screen but instead, Father, I pray that you will move us into action. God, reveal yourself to us as leaders and as students, so that as we stand on stage and proclaim who You are, those in the seats will be moved into action as well. Fill us up and send us out, Lord.

I Really Want a Polk-A-Dot Umbrella

2009-05-11T23:30:00.006-05:00

So, have you ever had those moments when you know that you have to make a decision, but no matter which option you look at you can see yourself doing it?

I always thought that God's will was like a path. There was one way to walk down that path with little side roads that looked appealing but were really just distractions away from the original path. However, when I was in college, I had a professor who explained it like it was more like an umbrella. Apparently, in this analogy, we all have an umbrella that represents all the things that we know are Truths from the Word. And all we have to do is walk under that umbrella.

For some reason, this does not make me feel better. I know that I should be relieved that there is no ONE thing for me to do in life. I know that I should be glad that I can do just about anything as long as I am following God's precepts, and He will bless it.

So if this is true, this means that we all have the same umbrella. I mean, I can understand that we all have our gifts and talents that lend us more toward one thing than another, but underneath, or in this case, overhead, we all have the same umbrella.

I guess something in me just wanted a special umbrella. The rule follower in me wants an umbrella that is just for me. I know that having an umbrella like everyone else's means that I have the freedom to do anything anywhere anytime. But I want to be able to pray and hear AN answer, not just any answer. I want to be able to talk to my friends and close council and receive council that will lead me to that same answer.

I just really want a polk-a-dot umbrella.

Jonah and me, we both agree....sort of

2009-05-06T13:41:00.004-05:00

So before all of you grammar people start freaking out, yes I do know that the verbage should be "Jonah and I, we both agree," or perhaps "Jonah and I agree." But let's be honest, my way is catchier, and it rhymes!! :)

Anyway, so today in our staff meeting David gave a devo about the story of Jonah. He talked about how Jonah had such a bad attitude with what God was asking him to do. This is what I remember from the devo...of course these are my words, not David's! Jonah got frustrated when the people repented. He got even more frustrated when God had compassion on them. He became indignant and decided to pout out in the desert. Then when God was kind enough to give him some shade, he started to perk up. But God sent a worm to eat the the perty plant, and it withered and died, which merely caused Jonah to throw a hissy fit about how God took away his blankie. "It's hot, God! It's sunny, God! I just wanna die, God!" Waa, waa, waa.

God asks Jonah something very important that struck me today. "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

Wow. I mean, seriously. Do you hear the importance of this question? As David was giving his devo, all I could think about was that sometimes things happen around us that have nothing really to do with us. I wish I could explain this better, but suffice it to say that sometimes God sends us to spread His Word and share His Message, and our job is not to sit around and cast judgment on the people hearing the message, or even to be there to reap the harvest of that message. Sometimes our job is just to share and trust that the God of the universe and Creator of all things knows what He is doing.

"Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

There were more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who don't know their left hand from their right hand in the city of Nineveh. There were people who needed to hear God's message that had never heard it before. Had Jonah not gone to Nineveh, those people would have died without having ever heard of the Creator God. This just gets to me. How often have I said, "No," to God because I don't want to do something. It may not have even been an audible, "NO," maybe it was just my own non-action.

"Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

Mommy and Me

2009-04-30T21:26:00.002-05:00

So, I don't know about all of you, but I really love my mommy. I know that to some that might make me some dorky kid who needs to grow up, but that just means you haven't met her. And for that, I feel bad for you! :)

And while, I realize that this blog will be slightly short, I figured I better give both of my readers a glimpse into the future. See, I get to spend the next couple of days with my mom at a Women of Faith Conference. And this, my dear friends, excites me very much. Mostly because I just love my mom, but also because I have had this desire to go to a cool women's conference with my mom for quite some time. And now, here it is! The chance has finally come. And to make it even better, we will be accompanied with two of her very dearest friends and one of mine. Can life get better? I submit that it cannot.

This week has been an interesting one and has been kinda rough at some points and yet incredibly amazing at other points. God continues to amaze me with His love and His care even in confusion and frustration. I am grateful that He has chosen me and that He continues to love me even when I tell Him that I hate His umbrella! :) Sorry, I am digressing just a bit.

The point is that the week has been an interesting one and has been kinda rough at some points and yet incredibly amazing at other points (is there an echo on here?). Therefore, I am grateful to be able to spend time with people that I love and that love me back. For all the stress, ridiculousness and joy that has been this week, I am excited to spend some time just soaking in Jesus and His Jesus-ness. :D

What do you love?

2009-04-27T15:44:00.003-05:00

A few years back, a friend of mine was gracious enough to allow me to record a few of my original songs. He made it sound pretty, and I "released" it to close friends and family. It wasn't really a huge deal, but it was a lot of fun! It really challenged me to write things and to get my thoughts about God and my walk with Him down on paper.

I am not very good at journaling and though i used to do it all the time, have since been less and less frequent in my journal entires, to the point where, I am quite certain it has been about a year since my last one...whoops. Well, unfortunately, just as I got out of the habit of writing journal entries, I also got out of the habit of writing my thoughts down on paper in song/poem form.

Just recently, I was challenged to write a song for a specific event that is coming in our church. At first, I bucked at the idea because, well, because I am young and stupid, and still don't like to be told what to do! (Sorry, Jesus) But the more I got to thinking about it, the more I realized how much I needed this--not just for the event, but for me and Jesus.

I sat down one day and went to the Word (who says it better than God, Himself, right?). A friend of mine (I may have said this already, and if so, I apologize! Maybe I should read my own blog, huh?) sent me a verse a couple of months back Psalm 143:8, and it has really meant a lot to me--more than my friend probably knows.

Writing the song was fun, yes, but I think even more fun was the opportunity I had to allow others into this process with me. I don't generally like to have people hear a song before is completed, but something about this song made me think that it was time to move past my own desires and share this experience with some people. That has been the most rewarding of all, I think. It's like I got to open up who I am on the inside and who I want to be on the outside to people who love me and to people whom I love. I tend to think that people won't want to hear what I have written. Like somehow what I have to say about God is only for me. Not true. I know that the words I write on paper can mean just as much to others as they do to me--maybe even more, at times.

What do you love? What is it that draws you closer to your Creator? What is it that makes your heart beat faster and makes you want to share what just happened with all 900 of your closest friends? And just as importantly, do you share it? Do you tell them? Or do you think they won't care? Do you allow them to walk this journey with you? Or do you try to walk it alone?

People.....

2009-04-22T00:07:00.002-05:00

So, I realize that people are everywhere. I mean, really....God told Adam and Eve to fill the earth and subdue it, and he told Noah the same thing after the flood. And as far as I can tell, they accomplished that task. So I realize that people are everywhere.

So I am still trying to figure out why I am surprised when God puts people in my life. I mean, really puts them in my life. Just this past week, God has shown me how blessed I am with the friends I have. Over and over again he has placed people in my path to show me things about me and about my life and about who I am in him. There is nothing like a good cry at midnight! Or an almost cry in a public place. :) Or just a conversation over the internet once a day.

A while ago, my friend encouraged me with Psalm 143:8 which says basically, "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Ever since that day, I have searched for his unfailing love every morning. And when I stop and think about it, well, good grief, he totally provided that! Man, he is so cool!

In the Beginning....

2009-04-20T10:14:00.001-05:00

Well, I have been encouraged to start a blog. Why on earth would I start a blog? I barely even want to listen to myself, why would someone else want to know what I have been thinking? The answer? Yeah, I still have no idea. Yet here I am, with a blog.

The senior pastor at our church would like to start a blog, (See, now he has something to say.) so I thought to myself, "self, perhaps it would be easier to walk him through it if you have been through the same painful procedure." Self agreed. So here we are. And who knows. I may even enjoy it....