Chazown: Part Two

The answer to the second question is tricky…as many things seem to be when it comes to figuring out what God has in store. However, this time, I believe I am actually approaching my decision from the right angle. See, all of my life, I have made decisions based on specific situations or short-term goals that I saw in my very near future. I would look at a situation, and I would say, “I could either do this, or I could do that.” It was always a decision based on the “thing” or option that was placed in front of me. Could I perform those tasks? Would that make me enough money to live on? Would I like doing most or all of the “things” that would be required of me?

For those of you who read my previous blog, you know that I had the privilege of taking a mini retreat where I was able to spend some much needed time with Jesus and do some soul searching with the help of a book titled Chazown. As I read, I was struck by the idea that there are many tasks, jobs, careers, etc that I could and would do, but that there is one overall vision of purpose for my life. In other words, it is not simply about the tasks, specific situations or short-term goals; it is about how those things fit into the bigger, broader, more long-term vision for my life. Now, understand, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I have heard this kind of thing said who knows how many times, but for some reason, it just really clicked with me during this particular retreat. What I have discovered, or more accurately, rediscovered, is that I have a huge passion for family & friends (aka relationships), worship (as a lifestyle not just music), and teens. Those were the three things that really stuck out to me. And those are the three things that shaped my decision as to where I need to be. Because of my connections to Iowa, I will be making the move at the end of January to live in the Cedar Falls area for a short time while I figure out how best to accomplish God’s long-term vision for my life.

I am not sure exactly what God has in store for me, but I believe that He has a plan and that that plan will be good. I know that I want to work with teens again. And I know that I want to be near my family again. I want to be influencing minds and lives, young and old alike, to live lives of worship that are holy and pleasing to God. Like I said, I am not sure exactly what this will look like, but I believe that it will include more writing of songs, more time with family & friends, and more time with teens.

So here I am again, packing, loading, squishing, shoving and finagling my belongings into a trailer (this time we planned for two trips!) to take on another adventure that I hope to never forget.

Chazown: Part One

One year ago, I packed, loaded, squished, shoved, and finagled, all of my belongings into the back of a trailer (ok, ok, ok, so it didn’t all fit the first go-round and my amazing father had to make TWO trips to Olathe for me…), and began an adventure I will never forget. I was given the amazing privilege of moving to Olathe, KS to participate in a church plant with two of the best friends I’ve ever had. And while I was incredibly sad to leave my family and a church I had come to love, I found myself blogging these words:

I know that God has something huge planned for me. I know that this move will prove to be one of the best and most amazing decisions and adventures that I have ever been on. I trust in the promise of God that says that all things will work out for the good for those who love the Lord. I believe with all my heart that God has great plans for 33 Church, and I, for one, cannot wait to see what happens with all of this.

As I look back over the past year, I am delighted to see that God has kept His promise and that my move to Olathe was definitely one of the best and most amazing decisions I have ever made. I have been in the process of learning what it means to trust God and follow after Him. Those lessons, as I’m sure most of you know, are not easy lessons to learn. You don’t just wake up one day and magically have the ability to blindly trust or the desire to follow someone (even God) through anything. I have spent the majority of my time in Olathe learning these two lessons. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything because I know that I am a better, stronger, more solid follower of Christ because of this past year.

A few months ago, I began to take a good, hard look at what I was doing and what I was going to be doing. I began to try to figure out what these lessons were all about. I was struggling—struggling to be happy, struggling to be joyful, struggling to worship, struggling to lead others in worship, struggling to reach out, and struggling to believe that I was in the right place. I was working three jobs—each of them demanding (and rightfully expecting) my full effort every time I walked through their doors. I was so overwhelmed with life that I didn’t know how to continue. So I decided to take a mini one-day retreat to the mountains of Grandview, MO to do some hiking and reading and talking with Jesus. That was the best decision I had made in a long time. The second best decision was to stop by the Christian bookstore and pick up the book Chazown by Craig Groeschel. I started off my hike with a desperate cry for help, “God, please, please, please, please….speak to me. I can’t hear you these days. Please speak to me!” Once again God answered my prayer and kept His promise to never leave me and kept His promise that if I sought Him, He would be found by me.

I won’t go into the very depths of the book or the conversation that I had with Jesus as I walked along those paths, but what I am writing to share with you today is this: My Jesus loves me, and He spoke me into being for a purpose, and it is my job to trust in that purpose and follow Him as He leads me in accomplishing that purpose. As I read that book and talked to Jesus, I came to the understanding that what I was doing here to help this amazing church that is being planted in Olathe was not really what I was created to do. I know that to some of you that might sound trite, or like a cop-out answer, but I promise you, I do not believe that it is either trite or a cop-out. My time here in Olathe has been hard, but up to that day, I had been determined to stick it out and try to make it work.

I decided that I needed to break this all down into two questions: Do I feel that I can accomplish God’s purpose for me to the fullest in my current context, aka this church plant? If so, then how do I make it work? And if not, then what do I need to be doing and where? (I know it looks like three questions, but it’s not; I promise!)

(For the sake of your time and blogging etiquette, I will address the first question in this blog and tackle the second question in my next blog.)

The answer to the first question was a sad and painful, no. This church that I have been privileged to be a part of for the past year is amazing. The vision is astounding and the passion behind it is awe-inspiring. I have never wanted to make something work and have never wanted to be a part of something like I have with this church. Not to mention the fact that the people who are leading this church are two of my very best friends. I have loved getting to know this church, which after only two months of meeting on a weekly basis has already become like a family. I know that if I were to stay, I would fall even more in love with the people of this church.

This church is going to do amazing things in the Olathe area. This church is going to do amazing things in the state of Kansas. This church is going to do amazing things in the world. I believe this church will change the world. I believe those things because I personally know the man whose passion and vision started it all. And that man will lead this church in an all out pursuit of Jesus and an all out blitz to share the story of that pursuit with anyone with whom they come in contact.

However, I feel that my gifts and passions and abilities are not beneficial to this church and to continue in my current position with this church will only lead to more frustration for me and for the vision of the church. I want this church to have every advantage it can in its pursuit of Jesus and the telling of that amazing pursuit, and I believe that there is someone out there who will be a huge asset to this church and to its vision. Someone who will wake up every morning with a passion to do all the things that need to be done to make this church everything it can be and should be. And while I wish that person was me, I have come to the realization that I do not have what is needed to make all of that happen.

As I bring this first blog to a close, I would ask my readers (surely there are at least two of you by now, right?) to join me as I pray for blessing on this church and as I pray for the next person that will join the church team in a leadership role. I know that God has big plans for this church plant, and I cannot wait to see all that He will do.

To be continued.....