I Think I Can.....

So, it would appear that I am moving to Kansas to help plant a church. And for those of you who are reading this or hearing about this for the first time, let me fill you in. I am moving to Kansas to help plant a church. There. Feel filled in? You should!

I have known this time would be coming for almost six months, yet now that the time has arrived, I find myself wishing that it was a little further away. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of planting a new church and am very excited to be a part of something like this from the very beginning, but I also have to admit that I am really gonna miss this place! I love my friends and my church family. I love the youth that God has blessed me with, and the staff that I have had the utmost privilege of working with.

Therefore, I know that God has something huge planned for me. I know that this move will prove to be one of the best and most amazing decisions and adventures that I have ever been on. I trust in the promise of God that says that all things will work out for the good for those who love the Lord. I believe with all my heart that God has great plans for 33 Church, and I, for one, cannot wait to see what happens with all of this.

Do you remember the story from back in the day about the little engine that could? That's what I feel like. I feel like I have been heading up this really long and hard hill that has one of the steepest grades I have ever encountered, all the while I have been trying to remind myself, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." My friends have surrounded me with love and encouragement saying, "We know you can. We know you can. We know you can." I know that as December comes to a close and January begins, there will be times of tears and times of hugs and having to say goodbyes and see you laters. There will be moments of remembering all of the good times I've had here and probably some of the not-so-good times, too. And through it all, I cling to the promise that I will finally crest that hill (mountain?), and as I begin my descent into this new adventure, I will call out with new resolve, "I knew I could! I knew I could! I knew I could!"

Before/After

So, our church just got done going through a series on "Just Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels. We spent four weeks working the four sections of the book. Because I am putting together the worship services for our church, I borrowed the book to get a feel for what each week's sermon was going to be about, and I'm glad I did. It has been a long time since a book has not only challenged me to move beyond my current state but has also encouraged me that where I am is ok, as long as I continue to move.

One of the sections is all about stories. Hearing someone else's story. Sharing your story. Sharing God's story. In the book, Hybels challenges his readers to write down their before/after in 100 words or less. His reason? We spend too much time talking to people about things that don't really convey God's message and God's actions in our lives. Instead, we spend time on the minute details that don't really matter to anyone else but us. I decided to take this challenge, as I am aware that I can be rather long winded when telling a story. :)

Below are two examples of my before/after in 100 words or less. I am posting this, not only for my benefit (accountability), but also for my Unchained students at NHCC. We have given them this same challenge, and apparently, they don't think they can say what needs to be said in such a small amount of words. But they can! And they will! (Below my two examples are some examples of from the book. Take a look Unchained and then take the challenge!)

"I used to live a life based on my own wants and desires. I wanted friends, and I was willing to do just about anything to make people like me, all the while claiming that I was a Christian. Finally, there was a moment when God said , “My way or no way”—no more hypocrisy or two-faced lies. I had a decision to make…follow Him or me. Since I made the decision to follow Him, I have had the desire to help others see that it is not about people liking me, it is about people loving Him." --Jess

"I love Jesus. I love Him with all of who I am. Not just because the bible tells me I need to, but because I have seen the pattern of what it looks like to have Him in my life, and it far surpasses the life I used to live. Before, I was not ultimately happy. I was always trying too hard to get people to like me. Now instead, of trying to get people to like me, I am focused on trying to get people to love the person of Jesus." --Jess

"For years, I felt empty. I had a hole that I needed to fill, so I searched for things that could fill that hole: a new house, children, new friends, clothes, a new job...My emptiness would be filled for a short time, but never found the 'it' that kept the hole filled. One day I heard a message about having a relationship with Jesus. Once I understood, I accepted, and grew in my realationship with him, my emptiness was filled--for good. Today, I am no longer seaching for things to fill my life."

"My life was filled with shame and fear. I was all tied up inside and isolated. Loneliness led me to a place of hopelessness. But then I met Jesus. Now I am free from my self-inflicted prison of fear and shame. I am forgiven and loved! I am peaceful about who I am and who God is making me to be. The void inside is now filled with joy--joy in knowing that I am a precious child of God."

"I was angry and depressed all my life, thinking that the world revolved around me, and I wasn't getting my due. I was cynical and isolated. After finding Christ, though, I felt an amazing love and acceptance for the first time. I began to be liked for who I was by the people around me, and my whole life changed. I came to know the joy of relating authentically with people--opening up with honesty and truthfulness about my life."

Change is a Comin! :)

Well, I have been waiting to tell everyone this until the appropriate time, and I suppose the time is now.

I am moving to Olathe, Kansas! WAHOO! :) I am going to be helping two of my very best friends start a church in Olathe, KS called 33 Church. And it is gonna rock! In fact, I believe the mantra is, "We are gonna change the world!" Which may seem a little steep, but hey, I am all about changing the world around me, however small or large that might be.

Now, hear me on this. I am terribly, awfully sad that I have to leave. This was most certainly the hardest decision I can remember making in all my 26 years. I cried many a tear in the process of making this decision. My poor friends got to hear about it almost every day, at least twice a day, and it was, I am sure, not always a pleasant conversation.

The story is long, and since I have already told it about 300 times this week, I just don't feel like getting into all the nitty-gritty right now, but suffice it to say, it has been quite the summer!

I am sure that in the future you will hear all about my students that I am so terribly sad to leave, my friends that I can't imagine living without, and my family, whom I am just pretending right now are coming with me! :) But for now, I just wanted to type it for the world (or both of my readers) to see. As of January 2010, I will be moving to Olathe, KS! Wow. OK. Good deal.

Change is on the Way

Ok, so this week has been filled with meetings! Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. I am not a huge fan of meetings, to say the least, but it is safe to say that sometimes, these meetings are a necessary evil. These particular meetings have been exceptionally excting. You see, our church is getting ready to make some pretty cool and important changes to our weekend services.

See, we realize that God intends for us to not only be in relationship with Him, but in relationship with each other as well. And, to be honest, we just aren't providing that kind of opportunity at our church right now. But soon, we will! And that is very exciting!

I don't want to get into all of it right now, since we are busting out the good news this weekend during our services, but suffice it to say that it is going to be an amazing time for the people of New Hope to really connect with each other. I am very much looking forward to seeing how this will impact our church and the Kingdom of God! It's gonna be awesome! :)

Well, off I go to meeting number 3 of 4 for the week. Wish me luck! :D

Como Esta!

Well, we're back. And what a great journey it was. I wrote before we left about hoping and praying that we would be able to show the people at the Casa what it truly means to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our God, and in my humble opinion our kids (and amazing sponsors) did God proud.

From the moment we stepped on the bus at New Hope on August 25, our students proved over and over again that they are willing to get their hands dirty for Jesus. Whether it was sitting in the parkinglot at Maid Rite for 2 hours waiting for a new bus because ours broke down, or holding a child who had recently peed his pants; whether it was painting the same stinking flours for the fourth time just to make sure, or filling holes til the ground was once again level; whether they were walking around with their buddies in the middle of Mexico, or holding a child who was on the verge of falling asleep, our students proved that they are willing to love with the love of the Lord. I enjoyed watching them worship Jesus through song, of course, but even better than this was watching them worship Jesus by tying a child's shoe, swinging them around for the 100th time or just holding them when they skinned their knee.

As we were saying our goodbyes to the kids at the Casa, I was moved to see God at work in the lives of our students. It never ceases to amaze me when God works His way into a semi-hardened heart and helps them see that with His help and love, they can do anything he asks of them. The tears rolling down the faces of our students (both guys and girls!) was a friendly reminder that God uses small children to break our hearts for what breaks His. I am reminded of a song by Brooke Fraser called Hosanna. The lyrics to the bridge go like this:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

I feel like our kids really lived out the words of this song as we moved through this week together. Their hearts were broken; their eyes were opened; they learned what it means to love like Jesus; all of this for the Kingdom of God.

Thank you, Jesus for teaching our kids what it means to love and be loved. Thank you for showing them that they can do ministry for you. I pray that these students would not soon forget the things that they saw, heard and experienced at the Casa. I pray that the faces of the Casa kids would filter through their minds and their hearts and be imprinted there forever. Break their hearts for what breaks Yours, Father, and all for Your Kingdom's cause.

Thank you to the sponsors who took a week out of their very busy lives to not only love on the kids at the Casa but the kids from New Hope. Your examples and leadership will not soon be forgotten and your time spent with the Casa kids will forever be something etched into my memory. You are an example not only to the Casa kids and the kids from New Hope, but to me, as well. Thank you for allowing me to look into your lives as you interact with your own children and those that God placed in front of you to love.

I love you all! :)

Over There, Over There

So, have I ever told you how much I love doing missions things? I mean, there is just something about flying half-way across the world and putting your own wants and desires on hold for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Earlier in the year, I posted a blog about God of Justice from Micah 6. At the risk of being redundant, I would just like to say a few things.

Our youth this year did a project called "Teen Arts Project." It's all about the arts. They do video, dance (slow and fun!), singing, playing instruments, painting, drawing, acting, etc. It is so much fun to watch them take a theme and really work it out in these different ways. The purpose is to teach them that worship is more than just singing, it is serving God in your area of giftedness--whatever that might be.

This year our theme was "God of Justice." It was amazing. I love to watch the youth of today talk about helping those that have been less fortunate in life than they have been. And then to watch them live that out at High School week of camp as we went into nursing homes, weeded rockbeds, painted buildings, scraped buildings, washed windows and cleaned out toilets was amazing. But then, to be able to travel to a foreign country and watch them yet again love on people? Well that is just the best summer ever! I cannot wait to watch eighteen teenagers and eight adults love on children who don't have parents, give people food for their hungry stomachs, and teach them about Jesus and His love for them. It is going to be AMAZING!

I am proud to say that I am a Youth Coach at New Hope Christian Church. The teens that we are privileged to work with challenge me to be a better woman of God, a better Christian, and a better person all around. They stretch me day in and day out. The keep me accountable without even knowing it. They make me laugh, cry, yell, smile, and dance (stinking running man!). They really are a joy to be around. I am very excited to get to spend a week with some of the most amazing kids to ever walk the face of the earth (Too much? I don't think so!). Thank you, NHCC Youth for allowing fallen, mistake-making, less than perfect people like me to work with you and minister with you. May we truly show the people we are about to serve what it means to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with our Lord.

Do you validate?

So, have you ever had one of those decisions that you have to make that you just know is going to be the utter and complete demise of your life as you have known it? Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that bad, but still...it can be a pretty big decision. And in the midst of those moments when the decision making is at it's worst, all you need and all you want is someone to tell you that you are doing a good job making that decision. That you are approaching that decision with maturity and logic, with just the right amount of faith. All you want is for people to recognize that the decision is stinking hard and give you a hug on a rough day.

Well, I would like to take time to encourage both of my readers to validate. Take a few moments and tell someone you know is struggling with something like this that they are loved. Tell them that they are doing a good job. Tell them that you are proud of them. These words may be the thing that gets them through the hardest day they have ever faced up to this point in their lives.

Please, oh please, take these words I have typed to heart. Share with someone you love how important they are. Share with them how much you love them. You just never know what it might mean! :)

Let's Go Campin'

Ok, so I have to tell you that I love camp. Now, please understand, I am getting older, so the late nights followed by ridiculously early mornings are getting, um, tiring to say the least. But I also have to say that I love camp.

I love that at camp kids can leave all the crud they live with all the time in their everyday lives behind. I love that at camp the kids who never have friends at school are all of a sudden some of the most popular kids. I love that at camp the kids that get everything they want all the time at home all of a sudden realize that the world does not revolve around them. I love that at camp students are confronted with who Jesus is and fall in love with Him more and more with each passing day. I love that at camp adults and students have opportunities to connect with each other as they connect with Christ. I love that at camp kids get plunged into the depths of Jesus' love and grace as they follow Him into the water of baptism.

I love camp. I really do. It will make me quite sad when some day I have to not go to camp anymore. It will make me sad to know that I will miss out on these amazing things. But I will rejoice in knowing that someone else will be blessed by seeing the things I have seen.
I love camp. I love sleep....but I love camp SO much more! :)

Let's Fly!

"Sometimes we choose to be a worm; at other times, our preference is to hide in the cocoon, but every now and again we choose to engage in the difficult struggle of breaking out. It's painful; it's frustrating; it's hard work. We might even wonder why God would make the cocoon so hard to escape from, never realizing it is the process itself that strengthens our wings and prepares us for flight."

This quote from a book by Erwin McManus has really been making me think these days. I'm not totally in love with the book in and of itself, but this quote really stuck out to me.


I want to escape from the cocoon.

I want to fly.

I know it will be painful. I know it will be hard. But I also know that once I have escaped, it will be the most amazing thing ever.

I am reminded of the character in the movie "A Bugs Life" named Heimlich. He is a gigantic caterpillar that dreams of being a "beautiful butterfly."

That is my dream.

I want to fly.

God of Justice

Micah 6:6-8
With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old?
Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

I just can't seem to get these words out of my head. To act justly. To love mercy. To walk humbly with your God. They seem so simple. Yet, when I truly look at them, I am humbled because I know that these three things summarize all that I am to do in my walk with Jesus.

Every year for a week during the summer we get as many of our 7th-12th graders to help out with an event we have dubbed "Teen Arts Project." They prepare all week long and then lead the weekend services. Each year we use this event to teach the kids that worship is more than just singing on a Sunday morning or playing an instrument in a praise band. We do our best to teach these students that worship is a lifestyle. Worship is forever.

This year our theme is "God of Justice" based off the verse above but also from the lyrics to a song with the same title. Our goal this year to is to help the students see that God does not want their goats; He does not want their firstborn; He wants them. And He wants them to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with Him.

What does that even mean, though? How can you teach someone something like that? How can you teach them to act justly or to love mercy or walk humbly? The only answer I can come up with is to teach them about the One with whom they are to walk. For He is the ultimate example of justice, mercy and humility.

So, God, I pray that you will fill us up and send us out so that we may go and live to feed the hungry and stand beside the broken. I pray that you will keep us from just singing words on a screen but instead, Father, I pray that you will move us into action. God, reveal yourself to us as leaders and as students, so that as we stand on stage and proclaim who You are, those in the seats will be moved into action as well. Fill us up and send us out, Lord.

I Really Want a Polk-A-Dot Umbrella

So, have you ever had those moments when you know that you have to make a decision, but no matter which option you look at you can see yourself doing it?

I always thought that God's will was like a path. There was one way to walk down that path with little side roads that looked appealing but were really just distractions away from the original path. However, when I was in college, I had a professor who explained it like it was more like an umbrella. Apparently, in this analogy, we all have an umbrella that represents all the things that we know are Truths from the Word. And all we have to do is walk under that umbrella.

For some reason, this does not make me feel better. I know that I should be relieved that there is no ONE thing for me to do in life. I know that I should be glad that I can do just about anything as long as I am following God's precepts, and He will bless it.

So if this is true, this means that we all have the same umbrella. I mean, I can understand that we all have our gifts and talents that lend us more toward one thing than another, but underneath, or in this case, overhead, we all have the same umbrella.

I guess something in me just wanted a special umbrella. The rule follower in me wants an umbrella that is just for me. I know that having an umbrella like everyone else's means that I have the freedom to do anything anywhere anytime. But I want to be able to pray and hear AN answer, not just any answer. I want to be able to talk to my friends and close council and receive council that will lead me to that same answer.

I just really want a polk-a-dot umbrella.

Jonah and me, we both agree....sort of

So before all of you grammar people start freaking out, yes I do know that the verbage should be "Jonah and I, we both agree," or perhaps "Jonah and I agree." But let's be honest, my way is catchier, and it rhymes!! :)

Anyway, so today in our staff meeting David gave a devo about the story of Jonah. He talked about how Jonah had such a bad attitude with what God was asking him to do. This is what I remember from the devo...of course these are my words, not David's! Jonah got frustrated when the people repented. He got even more frustrated when God had compassion on them. He became indignant and decided to pout out in the desert. Then when God was kind enough to give him some shade, he started to perk up. But God sent a worm to eat the the perty plant, and it withered and died, which merely caused Jonah to throw a hissy fit about how God took away his blankie. "It's hot, God! It's sunny, God! I just wanna die, God!" Waa, waa, waa.

God asks Jonah something very important that struck me today. "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

Wow. I mean, seriously. Do you hear the importance of this question? As David was giving his devo, all I could think about was that sometimes things happen around us that have nothing really to do with us. I wish I could explain this better, but suffice it to say that sometimes God sends us to spread His Word and share His Message, and our job is not to sit around and cast judgment on the people hearing the message, or even to be there to reap the harvest of that message. Sometimes our job is just to share and trust that the God of the universe and Creator of all things knows what He is doing.

"Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

There were more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who don't know their left hand from their right hand in the city of Nineveh. There were people who needed to hear God's message that had never heard it before. Had Jonah not gone to Nineveh, those people would have died without having ever heard of the Creator God. This just gets to me. How often have I said, "No," to God because I don't want to do something. It may not have even been an audible, "NO," maybe it was just my own non-action.

"Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"

Mommy and Me

So, I don't know about all of you, but I really love my mommy. I know that to some that might make me some dorky kid who needs to grow up, but that just means you haven't met her. And for that, I feel bad for you! :)

And while, I realize that this blog will be slightly short, I figured I better give both of my readers a glimpse into the future. See, I get to spend the next couple of days with my mom at a Women of Faith Conference. And this, my dear friends, excites me very much. Mostly because I just love my mom, but also because I have had this desire to go to a cool women's conference with my mom for quite some time. And now, here it is! The chance has finally come. And to make it even better, we will be accompanied with two of her very dearest friends and one of mine. Can life get better? I submit that it cannot.

This week has been an interesting one and has been kinda rough at some points and yet incredibly amazing at other points. God continues to amaze me with His love and His care even in confusion and frustration. I am grateful that He has chosen me and that He continues to love me even when I tell Him that I hate His umbrella! :) Sorry, I am digressing just a bit.

The point is that the week has been an interesting one and has been kinda rough at some points and yet incredibly amazing at other points (is there an echo on here?). Therefore, I am grateful to be able to spend time with people that I love and that love me back. For all the stress, ridiculousness and joy that has been this week, I am excited to spend some time just soaking in Jesus and His Jesus-ness. :D

What do you love?

A few years back, a friend of mine was gracious enough to allow me to record a few of my original songs. He made it sound pretty, and I "released" it to close friends and family. It wasn't really a huge deal, but it was a lot of fun! It really challenged me to write things and to get my thoughts about God and my walk with Him down on paper.

I am not very good at journaling and though i used to do it all the time, have since been less and less frequent in my journal entires, to the point where, I am quite certain it has been about a year since my last one...whoops. Well, unfortunately, just as I got out of the habit of writing journal entries, I also got out of the habit of writing my thoughts down on paper in song/poem form.

Just recently, I was challenged to write a song for a specific event that is coming in our church. At first, I bucked at the idea because, well, because I am young and stupid, and still don't like to be told what to do! (Sorry, Jesus) But the more I got to thinking about it, the more I realized how much I needed this--not just for the event, but for me and Jesus.

I sat down one day and went to the Word (who says it better than God, Himself, right?). A friend of mine (I may have said this already, and if so, I apologize! Maybe I should read my own blog, huh?) sent me a verse a couple of months back Psalm 143:8, and it has really meant a lot to me--more than my friend probably knows.

Writing the song was fun, yes, but I think even more fun was the opportunity I had to allow others into this process with me. I don't generally like to have people hear a song before is completed, but something about this song made me think that it was time to move past my own desires and share this experience with some people. That has been the most rewarding of all, I think. It's like I got to open up who I am on the inside and who I want to be on the outside to people who love me and to people whom I love. I tend to think that people won't want to hear what I have written. Like somehow what I have to say about God is only for me. Not true. I know that the words I write on paper can mean just as much to others as they do to me--maybe even more, at times.

What do you love? What is it that draws you closer to your Creator? What is it that makes your heart beat faster and makes you want to share what just happened with all 900 of your closest friends? And just as importantly, do you share it? Do you tell them? Or do you think they won't care? Do you allow them to walk this journey with you? Or do you try to walk it alone?

People.....

So, I realize that people are everywhere. I mean, really....God told Adam and Eve to fill the earth and subdue it, and he told Noah the same thing after the flood. And as far as I can tell, they accomplished that task. So I realize that people are everywhere.

So I am still trying to figure out why I am surprised when God puts people in my life. I mean, really puts them in my life. Just this past week, God has shown me how blessed I am with the friends I have. Over and over again he has placed people in my path to show me things about me and about my life and about who I am in him. There is nothing like a good cry at midnight! Or an almost cry in a public place. :) Or just a conversation over the internet once a day.

A while ago, my friend encouraged me with Psalm 143:8 which says basically, "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Ever since that day, I have searched for his unfailing love every morning. And when I stop and think about it, well, good grief, he totally provided that! Man, he is so cool!

In the Beginning....

Well, I have been encouraged to start a blog. Why on earth would I start a blog? I barely even want to listen to myself, why would someone else want to know what I have been thinking? The answer? Yeah, I still have no idea. Yet here I am, with a blog.

The senior pastor at our church would like to start a blog, (See, now he has something to say.) so I thought to myself, "self, perhaps it would be easier to walk him through it if you have been through the same painful procedure." Self agreed. So here we are. And who knows. I may even enjoy it....